Principles for Parenting Young Children
(adapted from a talk given at Mom2Mom Jan. 2016)
[Bio: Lauris was raised the son of a bivocational pastor/school teacher in small towns of KS, #4 of 6 children. Rhonda was raised the youngest of 3 in San Diego, CA. After military service and a graduate degree in mathematics, Lauris moved to San Diego to teach at a small university. They met at church. They will celebrate 39 yrs of marriage this April.
After 4 yrs of marriage and the gift of 2 beautiful girls, God confirmed a call to full time ministry with The Navigators ministering to military men and women and their families the last 34+ yrs. After being blessed with 2 more beautiful girls in San Diego, God moved us to Yokosuka, Japan where He blessed us with 2 more girls and 1 boy ‘made in Japan’. Saying farewell to our home of 7 years in Japan, we moved back to the states and Fort Hood (renamed Fort Cavazos) 23 years ago where God blessed us with one more boy.
We were blessed this past Christmas to have everyone home for a few days – 8 kids, 3 sons-in-law and 4 grandchildren. All have professed faith in Jesus, 1 or 2 are walking at a distance right now. ]
My heart’s desire is that God uses something you read here to help you parent better.
Developing Scriptural Convictions:
Goal of Parenting: to see all of my children walking in the Truth. 3 John 4
Jesus is Truth. John 14:6
The Bible is truth. John 17:17
Love as Christ loves is His command. John 13:34 What does love look like as a parent?
Paramount: Attitude and view of scripture is a moral issue. Ignore it to your own consequences and ruin. Prov. 16:25
In a nut shell: The Bible is my ultimate authority. Ps. 138:2 God has magnified His word together with His name. (All the honor of His name stands with His word.) Prayer/approach to the Bible: Lord, if you will make clear to me what the Bible says and what I am to do, I’ll do it.
Prov. 2:1-9 receive my words… treasure my commandments… make your ear attentive.. incline your heart.. cry for discernment… lift your voice… seek wisdom as silver… search for her as for hidden treasure…
then you will discern… discover knowledge.. wisdom.. understanding.. discern righteousness and justice and equity and every good course.
- Become a person of the word.
- Do as Prov. 2 encourages – meditate on scripture. Josh 1:8
Key to meditation: memorize scripture
3. Cry out… lift your voice: pray the word into your life so that it becomes a part of you.
4. Obey, do your best to follow through on what God shows you.
Example: Ps. 119:9-11 Attitude (Obedience first): How can a young man keep his way pure? By keeping it according to Your word.
Pray! ‘With all my heart I have sought You; do not let me wonder from Your commandments.
Memorize/meditate: Your word I have treasured in my heart, That I may not sin against You.
Scripture:
*Parenting Verse: James 1:5 (camp out there – continual asking)
Prov. 3:11-12 My son, do not despise the chastening of the Lord, nor detest His correction; for whom the Lord loves, He corrects, just as a father the son in whom he delights.
Prov. 9:10 The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom , and the knowledge of the holy One is understanding.
Prov. 13:20 He who walks with wise men will be wise, but the companion of fools suffers harm.
Prov. 22:15 Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of correction will drive it far from him.
Prov. 13:24 He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly.
Prov. 19:18 chasten your son while there is still hope , and do not set your heart on his destruction.
Prov. 20:30 Blows that hurt cleanse away evil, as do stripes the inner depths of the heart.
Prov. 23:13-14 Do not withhold correction from a child, for if you beat him with a rod, he will not die. You shall beat him with a rod and deliver his soul from hell.
Prov. 29:15 The rod and reproof give wisdom , but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.
Prov. 29:17 Correct your son, and he will give you rest; yes, he will give delight to your soul.
Prov. 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.
1 Cor. 15:33 Do not be deceived; bad company corrupts good morals.
bad company comes in many forms and different venues: social media, music, romance novels, internet, entertainment … even a church youth group.
What should you do about it in your situation? Apply Jas. 1:5
General comments/principles:
I. Cultural norm is child centered parenting. Kids pretty much run the household. Is that Biblical?
It’s not even practical – our family could not be centered around 8 kids as different as ours.
It can be revealing/clarifying to ask: who is in charge in this situation?
II. Unity/agreement between parents is critical: ‘No one can serve two masters…’ Luke 16:13
a. In discussing with your spouse, remember not everything is a moral issue. Many parenting decisions are simply seeking wisdom – poor/better/best.
b. Roles and Line of responsibility are critical: Headship – husband is responsible to take the lead, God holds him accountable. 1Cor11:3; Eph5:21-
>I would encourage you wives to continue exploring the scriptures on what it means to come under the authority of your husband. I’ll just say that when this is working correctly, you as a wife will have a lot less stress and anxiety due to taking on responsibilities that God assigns to your husband.
c. The best instruction/gift/inheritance/security you can give your child is wives to follow and respect your husband, and for husbands to love and lead your wife.
Hardest thing to do (particularly for husbands) is to humble yourself…and yet that is what appropriates/results in receiving grace. (help in time of need) 1Pet.5:9 God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble.
d. Do you and your spouse know how to deal with conflict? Do you model it for your kids? Do you know how to ask for forgiveness and know what forgiveness is and how to be reconciled after a hurt/offense/wrong?
III. Lavish your children with affirmation and sincere praise. (particularly character qualities)
IV. Godly discipline is non-optional biblically. (per the verses already mentioned.) Love requires discipline and love is characterized/demonstrated by obedience. While discipline takes many forms, I would argue that the Bible clearly states that the rod (spanking) is necessary for some situations.
(Discipline for God’s glory and the welfare of your child -NOT to the expectations of others or to ‘protect’ your own image or selfishly/personal convenience.)
We disciplined for – 4 D’s
Disrespect Prov. 30:17
Dishonesty Lev. 19:11
Disobedience 1 Sam. 15:22-23; Eph. 6:1-3
Deliberate Destruction/Disregard of property
Consistency of discipline/correction is essential: Ecc. 8:11
Training starts with day 1 in the form of affirming good behavior and discouraging wrong behavior.
Wisdom: try not to let a habit form that will have to be broken later. (For Older children – what will this behavior look like as a teenager?)
V. As they get older address behavior by addressing beliefs. needs -> beliefs -> goals -> behavior
Resources:
http://www.desiringgod.org/articles/parents-require-obedience-of-your-children
http://gciweb.org/2014/05/family-discipleship-workbooks/
Shepherding a Child’s Heart by Tedd Tripp
On Becoming Baby Wise by Gary Ezzo and Robert Bucknam
On any of these resources husband and wife need to get before God and ask Him what He is saying to you and how He wants you to apply it for each child. View them as a resource to help you listen to hear what God might be saying to you.